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What is going on?

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I am lost in maze. I have nothing much left. I feel intoxicated. High in drugs without any consumption. This is what actually is going on. It is not that easy to smile. The way you smile looks much more easier. I complain on my hormones and period cycle. I try not to think about you entire month. But there you are boom,  in my head by the end of the month. There comes my premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and lots of thoughts. It make me hang around feeling exhausted like a pendulum. My watch is no more going to clock you in. You are no more there in my time. Your world is somewhere far away,  thousand of miles from where I am. I wonder why do I miss you. I think about what are the possible  reasons. I come to conclusion that I miss us, not you. I miss my peace of mind. The way you make me feel comfortable and give me shoulder to lay my head and heavy heart. I miss your guidance and presence. XOXO  
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No tears

I have no tears for you. How mean and rude have I  turned into. I couldn't shed a drop of tears on your permanent loss. This is not who I used to be. I have changed and changed a lot. You will always be the part of me that I lost badly. I couldn't stay committed to you. I broke my promise and torn your heart. I made your pieces and let you flow. I couldn't even  grieved. It is becoming hard for me. I have started faking everything lately. My smile is fake, my laugh is fake. I don't want to fake a pain. I loved you. I am best at breaking heart. This time it was not only breaking heart but I chopped a tiny heart. I thought about everything . You loosed among others. You had to go and you did. I never thought that your loss was actually mine too. You were me and I was you. I let my heart loose over my head. I am standing alone heaven and heartless. 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
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Valentine's Day 2017

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It was normal Tuesday in Kathmandu. It was fourteen February with the name Valentine's Day. I was in canteen of Nepal Law Campus, with bunch of my friends having tea and talking about law, and order. I get a call from you around 8:55a.m and you wished me Happy Valentine's Day. You were not present in class today. I thought it's your formality and replied , "thank you and Happy Valentine's Day to you as well". Whether you were insecure or worried;  you would call me several times a day. It was normal to get a call with your name on it. Your name on my phone screen always gave me feeling of love, warmth and care. After college I went to my english class. You called me and asked what was i doin? I replied , I am in  RTC Lainchaur. My class is about to start and you told me that  you were attending meeting and going to be busy all day long. Here, you killed my hope to celebrate third valentine's day. I was not disappointed. Because high hope and expectation a...
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