World of Srijana

I don't feel. the way I used to. It doesn't hurt much now. Even memories are fading away though they are not erased yet. The love within me still exist. It is wonderful that I have started not missing. I don't stuck information to my best interest. I have been recently scammed with my bank account. There is not much difference between scammers whether it's breaking bank account or heart account. They are nice, kind and take an advantages of your vulnerability. Being foolish is still my hobby. I am saving mankind and proving to be good human being. Meanwhile fake people are all over the place ready to attack. New year 2021 started with scammer alert. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I am lost in maze. I have nothing much left. I feel intoxicated. High in drugs without any consumption. This is what actually is going on. It is not that easy to smile. The way you smile looks much more easier. I complain on my hormones and period cycle. I try not to think about you entire month. But there you are boom,  in my head by the end of the month. There comes my premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and lots of thoughts. It make me hang around feeling exhausted like a pendulum. My watch is no more going to clock you in. You are no more there in my time. Your world is somewhere far away,  thousand of miles from where I am. I wonder why do I miss you. I think about what are the possible  reasons. I come to conclusion that I miss us, not you. I miss my peace of mind. The way you make me feel comfortable and give me shoulder to lay my head and heavy heart. I miss your guidance and presence. XOXO  

He is boring corporate office manager. He is not the most handsome guy I know. But I love him most. He always wanted to be news anchor. Actually, it is British Broad Casting (BCC) news reporter . We often do this role play, where he broadcast our love in the form of news. He needs to be slightly drunk. He does these stupid stuff where I am that corresponding agent in the life line. Here it is : He: Namestey! Welcome to BBC service with Mr. Jeevan Sagar. Today, we have Srijana with fresh update about the world scenario. Welcome Ms. Srijana my love. Me : Thank you! He: How is present state of our love affair? Me: I am madly in love with this news anchor. He is sweet and cute . He: Oh! Thank you! I love you too. Me: Umm! He: So, tell me about the corona virus cases in United States? Is it improving? How about New York? Me: It is improving. Everything is going normal slowly. He: You might think I am drunk but I am not. I am full in mood. Do you know something? Me: What? He: How...

I am sorry that I betray you and your love. I run from your love. I tried to love you but I could not lie. I was madly in love with someone else. I did my best to love you but I was not able to pretend it anymore. I am sorry for taking you for granted. I didn't want to waste your  time nor mine. I couldn't give you explanation which you deserve. I regret for pretending of loving you but I will never regret of leaving you. It would be worst decision to be with you physically but loving someone else madly. After my emotional break down, I was in need of shoulder to lie down. I need to suppressed my grief with achievement. I declared that you are my achievement. In reality, you were my substitution. You were my way of hiding my grief. I didn't want myself to be in pain. I thought pain of loosing love is recovered by achieving new love. But pain needs time to recover rather than anything. I was in disturbance. I was scared that loosing him will hurt me. It hurt me and it is st...

Me: I love You. He: I love you too. Me: I love you more. He: I love you more than you do to me. Me: (STOP) I loved, love and will love you. The definition of love for both of us is completely different. I loved you  in all aspects of my life. Whereas, your version of love is in spiritual. We have a spiritual connection with one another . We understand each other  in next level. I am that person in your life who understand you most likewise you were mine. If you love me than you are supposed not to hurt me. It hurts when the person who claims on loving you is the person who betrays your love. When you know the reason why I am sad than at least do something. Neither you belong to me nor do I belong to you. You have moved on in your life. Let me move on as well. Don't hold me. Let me fly high and disappear in a wild. You don't like depressed version of mine; you like energetic version . But you are the main reason that I am depressed. I already had lots of reasons to stay ...

I want to feel that fire in your love; an impatience to meet; an affection to keep me close; that heat which will melt my heart and hold it tight in . My heart is frozen safe and cold. You need to have warmth that can melt heart in ice cube. Have you ever played candy crush game, you need to break the ice cube while matching candies with various colors. You need to break the ice cubes. Than you can have candy . My heart is in that frozen cube. You need to know all the treats and tricks. You need to take me to that bonfire where I can feel warm and celebrate in open air. I want you to be that person who is heated by love to keep us warm rather than burn us into ashes. A fire in your heart will heat my heart and warmth in my heart will keep your charm. For now, all I feel is nothing but just an attempt to strike a fire . You are not able to convince with your this try. It is hard in ice cube. You need to work hard. There will always be conditions applied. Nothing is going to be free in...